Jena and Jim
I immediately stopped taking birth control pills when my husband Jim and I married in October of 2003. I was 31 at the time and had it all planned out that we would have two children before I turned 35. I knew getting pregnant might not happen instantly, but I didn't imagine it would take longer than a year. I was so naive!
After a year of trying to conceive, I went to see my OB/GYN. Jim did a sperm analysis and passed with flying colors. So, after a long talk about the possibility of twins, we decided to join the fertility drug club. My doctor wrote a prescription for two months of Clomid and we eagerly awaited that elusive positive pregnancy test. But still, luck evaded us.
I decided it was time to bring in the big guns and scheduled an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist. After more tests we moved on to IUI. During one of my ultrasounds a physician's assistant made mention of several fibroids. I responded "WHAT fibroids??" My OB/GYN had never mentioned fibroids, but then again, she never performed an ultrasound during my Clomid cycles. My RE didn't seem too concerned and said lots of women have fibroids and still get pregnant. He wanted to try a few IUIs before investigating further via surgery. The first IUI was not successful, nor were the next two. I was starting to get very frustrated and impatient. In the meantime, we were racking up medical bills. Our insurance doesn't cover anything infertility related, and each IUI cycle was approximately $1500.
I pushed for surgery, and my RE agreed that it was time to investigate things further. I went to the local hospital for outpatient surgery in February of 2006. Luckily, our insurance agreed to cover the procedure. It turned out that my problems were more numerous and invasive than the ultrasounds had indicated. My doctor removed 6 fibroids in total, with the largest one being almost 2.5 inches. He also found extensive stage I endometriosis on my uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, and bladder. In addition to the laproscopic procedure he did a hysteroscopy and found a polyp inside my uterus. After the surgery he told us that due to the fibroids and endometriosis, we could have never gotten pregnant on our own. He also said that if I do get pregnant I will need a c-section because scarring that resulted from removing my largest fibroid could cause my uterus to rupture during labor.
I was devastated that we had wasted two years trying to get pregnant when it NEVER could have happened. I knew I should be happy that we finally had a chance, but it was hard to get over the feeling that I had been robbed of two years of my life. But I told myself to move on and think positively. According to my doctor, everything looked great and now there was nothing holding us back. Jim was (as always) so upbeat and supportive, and he was convinced we just needed to keep trying.
So I steeled myself and we continued with Clomid IUIs. We tried 3 more times without success. More acupuncture, more medical bills, more angst.
In November of 2006 we started our first IVF cycle. I was so hopeful and CONVINCED it would work. Things started off well. We had 15 eggs retrieved and 11 fertilized. By day 2 we had 8 embryos growing. We were sure that we'd have some to put back and some to freeze, but on transfer day we learned that though we had two perfect blastocysts, none of the other embryos were strong enough for freezing. We tried to stay positive and thought "Well, maybe we'll end up with twins!". But it was not meant to be. My pregnancy blood test was negative and we faced a Christmas with no happy news to share.
I had an odd inkling that having children wouldn't be easy, but I never thought it would be this hard. The roller coaster of hope and devastation has been almost unbearable. Infertility has colored every aspect of our lives. Since Jim and I started trying to conceive, many of our friends and relatives have had success in starting or adding to their families. It feels as if the world is passing us by. The financial hardship, the social isolation, and the pressure to juggle work and treatments has changed both of us in a fundamental way. Luckily, it has also worked to cement our bond. We know our relationship is strong and I doubt there is any hardship that could divide us.
We will be trying IVF again in May 2007. If we are not successful then we will move on to adoption. The thought of not having biological children is incredibly painful, but more than anything Jim and I want to be parents.