Annabella and Vito
I'd like to share my infertility story because I think it's important to share a story with a happy ending yet no baby.
I'm now 39 and have battled PCOS my whole life. Before my husband proposed to me, I warned him I might not be able to have a baby. He married me anyway. When I was 35 we decided to start TTC, but because of my age and PCOS immediately got a referral to an RE at a top Boston hospital. My longtime gyn has PCOS herself and was sympathetic and didn't want us to waste valuable time. My records were sent over, and the RE immediately started me on Metformin while we ran the usual tests and me and my husband.
SURPRISE! On my first follow-up visit we discovered that my husband has azospermia, no sperm at all. He had surgery when he was 12 years old, and it left him sterile. We saw one of the top urologists in the country in the field of male IF, and he thought DH was a good candidate for a testicular biopsy that would enable us to do IVF with ICSI.
We were thrilled when his surgery appeared to be successful, and we took 6 vials of testicular tissue to the embryology lab. I went for my annual exam and discovered high grade cervical dysplasia, the early stages of cervical cancer. 15 years of normal doctor visits, and a month before starting IVF I end up needing surgery on my cervix. I needed to wait almost 9 months for my cervix to heal and reduce the risk of miscarriage and make sure that all the precancerous cells were gone.
When all was clear, I started the IVF cycle. Things looked bright as I did very well with the cycle. Because of the PCOS I was borderline ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. but we pulled back on the meds, and I produced a fine bunch of eggs. The morning of the egg retrieval we were excited and full of hope. All the other couples were long gone as we continued to wait until the embryologists came out to tell us that of the 4 vials unfrozen so far they had not been able to find any sperm. We were told to go home and wait. The next morning we were told that they found 2 sperm and went ahead with the ICSI. When we returned a few days later, only 1 embryo had made it, and it was of marginal quality. We anxiously awaited the next two weeks, faithfully taking the progesterone injection every night.
My girlfriends on the WebMD "IF complex" became my family for months. They were pulling for us. Our mothers were worried by hopeful. I did not get pregnant, and we had no more sperm and no hope whatsoever of a biological child belonging to the both of us.
It's so easy for outsiders to tell you to get donor sperm, or a donor egg, or, of course, to adopt. We went to Cancun for a beach vacation and decide our future. We talked through all the options, and decided they were not for us. We'd already met with the two largest adoption agencies, a few smaller ones, and spent countless hours on the Internet.
Ultimately, we decided we'd been through enough, and that life held something else for us. It's been 3 years since then. Our niece and nephew couldn't possibly be more spoiled, and neither could our friends' children. I no longer have the financial necessity of working a traditional full time job. Now I do consulting work 3/4 time and also teach classes I enjoy through our local adult ed program. My husband is on the board of a local museum. We take 2 trips abroad a year and numerous domestic trips as well. We practice yoga, read, restore our old house, cook for friends, and indulge in each other. We teach a marriage preparation class and talk about how things don't always work out the way you'd like, but that a strong marriage will survive the unexpected.
A lot of people find it impossible to believe that we are actually happy, but we are. Others confess that they think they'd be just as happy if not happier without their children (though, of course, they wouldn't trade them for anything).
Adoption is not the required resolution to IF. A life without children IS an option. I never say we're "childless" because our lives are filled with children. And it's a good life.